December 7, 2011


Wow, it has been a long time since I updated this blog, huh?

Th big girl has thoroughly enjoyed her school year, although she has had far too much sickness, and currently resides on the couch missing an excursion due to another bout of 'something'.

The boy is going strong, getting very sure of himself and all those things you just don't want him to do that he is SURE he has too.

The little girl, ahh, yes, not a baby any longer! She is just about as stubborn and sure of herself as her brother, which can lead to tension for at least 2 hours every day!

But lets take today's opportunity to explore the 'Toilet Training' dilemma...

The big Child was never really a hard sell for toileting, it seemed just something that happened! Or maybe I was a different sort of mother back then and I took a different tactic with it?
My son is 4 years and 3 months old today. He is certainly capable of toileting, he will take himself to the toilet throughout the day to urinate. He has reminders at times but he generally doesn't go when we 'remind' him. He takes himself when he is ready. Bowel movements are a whole other matter! He doesn't *WANT* to use the toilet. He requests a nappy to be put back on him as soon as one is taken off! Whether he has already had a bowel movement or not he always wants a nappy!
I have just taken it on the chin and dutifully followed his lead for the most part. We went out yesterday for most of the day, he didn't have a nappy all day. The only accident he had was later that night! I have learned a few things from this, firstly accidents happen, especially when teaching children to toilet! Secondly, my son is capable, really the challenge lies in getting him to WANT to toilet! Thirdly and possibly most importantly, my son doesn't drink enough, or rather I don't provide enough for him to drink. I am guilty of not drinking enough myself and leading into summer here, I really need to find a way to remedy that and provide my children with the best care I can!

In the new year I will try and be a bit more regular over here, learning is happening every day here and if I can't get enough for at least a small blog post monthly then I need to learn to see things more clearly.

December is a month for holidays, celebrating the oncoming summer and family time we get to share. Advent calendar's are currently a source of teaching the boy kidlet about numbers, he has to find the number correctly before opening the window.

There is making going on in the lead up to Christmas, things for the kidlets to help with and things that they can not. They have made some salt dough decorations and painted them and put them on the tree, and at some point we will do some cooking, make crackers, christmas wrap and other things.

We all hope that every one out there has the best possible holiday (whatever they do or believe) We will be setting up a seasonal table over the next week, and do a small simple ritual to celebrate the summer solstice on the 23rd.

November 25, 2011

Round the Traps

On all things homesteadish...

We have planted 2 black currants and 10 raspberry canes in the designated "orchard" area. The compact Stella cherry tree we planted 2 years back has a small mass of fruit and will need to be netted.

There is a small patch of potatoes in and growing strongly, the strawberries are growing although with a low possibility of fruit this year at least!

The carrots are taking a lot longer to mature than they are supposed to of, but different conditions and ours certainly have not been 'optimal'! Heaps of lettuce seedlings with no where to plant them as yet!

There are 11 eggs under a broody hen, they have been there for 2 weeks tomorrow and need another week before (hopefully) hatching at least 1 or 2 chickens. I am not sure how that will go at this stage it is just a wait and see game really.
I am still unsure but we may also have another hen going broody, I can't keep up with them it seems! She will have to be content with us taking the eggs away daily I think!!
We are getting 4 eggs pretty much every day.

On other things, well lets just stick to what I know about which currently doesn't feel like a lot.

White Ribbon day today and while I fully support the sentiment I think there are a few other things that need to come to the forefront too.
The culture that the media portray against women, isn't doing us any favours!
We are sexualised from birth, with clothes and imagery. Told that no matter what shape and size we are it is not good enough, and when you are the perfect shape and size! You have the wrong hair colour, wear the wrong clothes.. the list goes on!

Domestic Violence against women is swept under many a carpet, but what about the outright abuse that is shown towards women on a daily basis in the media around the world? and for that matter what about the violence against men? Granted violence against women is a lot more common, but lets not forget that men do suffer and need some support in this also.

We live in a Patriarchy but that doesn't mean Men in general are not entitled to support and guidance in times of struggle. In fact it is probably a reason that men's issues are swept under the carpet also! They are the 'stronger' sex and as such don't need the support??

We all need support on ALL subject matter, some of us more so than others and that is ok because we should all band together to pick those in need up so that they can join our strength to pick up the next person in need.

Feed the world with the fruits you would like to harvest.

I am a feminist, that doesn't mean I hate men, it doesn't mean I can't empathise with men's issues and problems. It means I feel an obligation to help establish an equalibrium in the world that is steadily losing balance. At this point in time that balance spread worldwide goes against Me, my Daughters our sisters and mothers.
and although I am sure there was or could be a time when that balance tips in the other direction, until that time is upon us, I stand firm on my side trying to weigh it down, so we don't fall off!

October 31, 2011

Been a while

Busy, Busy, Busy... It isn't supposed to be the busiest time of year yet is it? Oh that is right, Christmas is nearly upon us and I have a business to kick off the ground as much as I can! Over at Mind to Matter there are happenings ;) Slowly but surely I will make it work :) Things on the home front... Weeeeelll, my house feels a bit neglected, my children probably do too! I have started menu planning for our dinner meals, for 3 weeks now (almost) it seems to be working and working well at that! Yesterday we went to our second session of Living for Less, with Tanya over at Suburban Jubilee Heading out to Killiecrankie Farm for a days of Backyard chicken learnings, from paddock (hen house) to plate! I met the lovely bloggers from Killiecrankie and Apple Island Wife Had some wonderful chats, cake and a cup of tea! This week I will be busy trying to create some goodies to go to market with on Monday!

Up date again!

It seems I have been busy lately, or maybe just not in a blogging mood?

I have registered my business name and now have an ABN.

Exciting prospects.

I have wands, dream pillows and necklaces in stock... check out my facebook page

I am making crystal pendants and hooded children's capes/cloaks.
So many new thoughts and ideas going about in my head.
Ways to get things moving on for the business.

I will be at the Exeter Market on Monday the 7th November
Then setting up at the Belly Dance Bazaar in Launceston on the 19th

Hope to see some of you there :)

September 21, 2011

Better Late than Never?

Update time?

Well we headed to the local market, and had a great time met some new people and got rid of a few household items we didn't need anymore. Then we took the toys that didn't sell to the Salvo's bin!

Then I took all my makes to the Australian Wiccan Conference on the weekend and set up my stall there! I am very pleased with the result! Met some lovely people on my weekend away, Shared the Crystal love with everyone, lots of people where keen to throw there hands in the pit and have a play. I will get some of my stall photo's up soon!

I also one a promotional package in the raffle on the weekend, which has led me to really think about where I want my business to go from here... and I am really lost with the answer! I mean I started out doing what I enjoyed and had hoped it would lead to making me a little money to help supplement around here!
When what I started didn't take off and life things happened, I decided the timing wasn't right and put everything on hold!
Then I found a new opportunity and everything has grown again from there. Now I have so many ideas that if I worked with them all I would become far too overwhelmed, so I need to find a way to make everything fit into the way I want to run things.
A friend of mine has suggested working with the seasons, and as that is a part of how I want to live my life it seems to fit with my life and ideals. So working by the seasons means I will make and craft according to the seasonal variations. I will still have certain lines that I will sell year round, like the tumbles, but as for the rest it will be dependent on the time of the year around us!
I will post up a Table of sorts when I have fine tuned the way I want to work things out :)

Living Better with Less

Lots been going on, and a lot to catch up on...

Firstly, Hubby and I have just organised to attend this Living Better for Less course.
We start on Sunday doing soap making and a few other bits..
Spaces are almost full so Contact Tanya asap if you want to join in :)

So since my last post...

I promised to let you know what we did for our anniversary and failed miserably at remembering that!
Hubby and I headed to Leven Canyon for a wonderful bush walk sans kids! It was wonderful... I might eventually get to some photo's!

Then that weekend I did my first market... head over to Mind to Matter Blog for an update on all that Jazz!

Then this last weekend, I headed down the east coast to join a host of gorgeous men and women folk, for the 2011 Australian Wiccan Conference! I had a great time, met some amazing people, and hope to keep in touch and catch up them all again :)

September 1, 2011

Sending love and Support...

Well really the secret broke ages ago, but having had a busy day (post about that tomorrow) I reserve the right to be a late comer to the party...

Janet Fraser, if not for you, and the community at JB, I would not be celebrating the 4th anniversary of my son's home birth in less than a week.

You are an amazing pillar of strength and support to so many. You have shared countless life journeys both happy and sad, and I am proud to stand up and be counted as someone who supports what you do!

I wish I could be more eloquent and write a post of more substance, but this is it...

Words can't explain how much you have given to me and thousands of other women (and men) around the world.

Thank You <3

August 31, 2011

Things are coming together!

So I have 50kg of stones to sell, and they are ohhh sooo gorgeous... I have spent quite a few minutes sitting, sifting through the buckets... (hours)

I have 21(2?) necklace pouches sewn, ready for the drawstring necklace.

I have 33(4?) Drawstring bags sewn, ready for the drawstrings.

I have 8 Dream pillow fronts drawn, waiting for the backing, stuffing and finishing.

I have 4 wands, ready for attaching crystals and decorating then finishing and another 4 waiting to be sanded back before the same happens to them!

What is next?

That is it for now, I am not sure it is enough...

I need to work out what amount of change I need to take to markets, as a first time I am not sure exactly what to do!

If anyone has any ideas on products and or the change I should take with me, please let me know...

August 24, 2011

The incense cone holders... and other info

Well, yesterday I spent the afternoon getting busy with it and making final touches to my ceramic incense cone holders...

Basically take a hunk of clay, roll it flat, cut out shapes, stamp in pattern/symbol, clean them up then let them dry and cook them, at a really high temperature 1100 degrees celcius (? I reserve the right to have that wrong...)

These are them, after a bisque firing...

Add some colour to highlight the symbol...

add some glaze so when they come out of the next firing they are nice and shiny and easy to clean (hopefully, a lot can go wrong with this sort of thing)

I will add some more photo's when they are fired for the second time.

After working hard and visiting with my mum (it is her studio space we used) I headed home, to find a parcel awaiting me, thanks for collecting it Hubby!, my new business cards, postcards, and stamp....

Things are well on the way :)

I have another few deliveries expected, one of them is 50kg of mixed tumbled stones that will make their rounds of some of Tasmania's central northern markets in the coming months, with the Hubby and I as their 'keepers' hoping to find them some new homes!


So it continues...

As with the last post, 3 weeks on from then we have just pulled out of another full week of sickness.

Big Kidlet spent last week (all week) sick at her grandmothers, away from her brother and sister, and Hubby spent all week (aside from monday) at home sick... what a joy filled week we had.

The 2 young kidlets both have snot, and lots of it, but are free from other sickness symptoms so far thankfully.

I spent a week at home last week looking after, albeit not spectacularly, my sickie hubby and 2 smalls.

Feeling better on Sunday we ventured out to the Exeter Market, and then on to watch hubby play hockey. It was one of the early games so we had the fortunate opportunity to enjoy the beautiful weather before the cold set in rather than the cold the later games would involve braving!

Always getting closer is the start of spring, the end of a decade worth of marriage ups and downs, the beginning of another decade of marriage, hopefully filled with more ups than the last decades worth. The first of September sees us begin our 11th year of marriage... and to celebrate Hubby is taking the day off work, my sister is looking after the 2 small kidlets, and we are heading off to a part of Tassie we have never been too to soak up nature, then head somewhere for dinner, before collecting the kidlets and heading back home.

The on the 7th we celebrate Boy Kidlet's 4th birthday, amongst other things, September is another big month for us, we have our anniversary, Mother in Law's birthday, Father's Day, Father in Law's birthday, Boy Kidlets birthday, My sister's birthday, my nephew's birthday, then a few other friends and family members have birthday's too!!

Come the 16th of September, I am heading down the coast for the Australian Wiccan Conference, a weekend all to myself, surrounded by like minds in a glorious bush location... I can't wait.

Bring on Spring, where the warriors of these parts clash with the chaos and hope that everything turns into something wonderful....

Things on the business front are moving along... check out here for that update :)

August 1, 2011


yup that title is about how I feel at the moment.

Big Kidlet has been sick on and off for 2 months, finally after being sick of her missing 2 days of school every week, we went to the GP... now I am not one to go to the GP often, and when my kidlets get sick they always display the same set of symptoms, it doesn't matter if they have a common cold virus or a bacterial infection, it is always the same set of horridly predictable symptoms. Part of the horrid-ness is probably the predictability of it all really!
So we are off to the GP who diagnoses a severe bacterial throat infection.. yeah tonsilitis! So a course of antibiotics was called for and then she was on the mend, went to school, thursday and friday! Went to my sister's for dinner saturday night.

Then it started... Sunday morning was fine, til I started to feel odd, then I sat down and did some sewing because well it sat me down and still wasn't a complete waste... the longer the day went on the worse I was feeling, dizzy, lethargic, just plain bloody awful. Hubby got told he had to stay home from hockey, I just couldn't do that parenting thing on my own feeling like this...
Monday I felt pretty shit still, boy kidlet had a spewing day, Big Kidlet went to school, little kidlet was fine all day, tuesday seemed to be a better day, everyone was pretty good, wednesday was the same, thursday followed... Friday was a day of crap, literally... Big kidlet and I where both down with Gastro... YAY for gastro... followed by Saturday, when the nose started running and the cough began... leading to sunday where I spent all day on the couch, blowing my nose sneezing and coughing... I did however manage to cook dinner, because no matter how sick you are dinner has to be done and we all understand that everyone gets to a point where they just don't want to cook 'tonight', which is where Hubby had gotten after a few days looking after me! He missed work on friday, but I was capable of child rearing albeit from the couch and sneezing so Hockey was a goer on sunday too!
So now we are at monday, I am still sneezing and blocked up and I am coughing probably more... Yay for weeks worth of shit...

A festival day where I really just don't even want to light a candle... let alone do anything worth doing...

I don't want to cook dinner tonight but that probably means getting something that isn't really good for the sickness that has enveloped me or our household!

July 26, 2011

Things in the works

So things in the creative pipeline,

I have started some incense cone holders, ceramic with pentagrams stamped in them...

I have also made a dream pillow from one of my drawn creations from a few months back, which is on it's way to it's new owner today.

I have a desire to sit and channel some new drawing blocks for more dream pillows, it will all be added to my stash to sell at this years Australian Wiccan Conference, along with tumbled stones from The Crystal Keeper.

I have a bunch of nice sticks to turn into wands for the AWC stall also, lets hope I get a few inspiring creations to share :)

July 13, 2011

Birthday's again

So it is all on again, birthday's everywhere...

Dad's, Brother-in-Law's, Husband's, Mine!, Sister's, Niece's and a few more distant relatives and friends thrown in the mix....

So we are between Hubby's and mine...

Hubby had the day off on Monday (his birthday) and it was just a pretty crap day really. The big kidlet was at home sick and vomiting all day, we started doing a few odd jobs around the place and hubby accidently broke one of the grafts off our two way apple tree, it didn't break all the way through so he has bound it back together tightly and maybe it will repair and we will still have a two way tree. So really the day wasn't all that brilliant for him.
We had home made pizza's for dinner, which were delicious if I do say so myself, and then a Self saucing butterscotch pudding, which was pretty damn yummy too... check it out

So next up is my birthday and I can't decide what I want to have for dinner! Just typical...

New Beginnings

I have a few new projects in mind, and will try and start creating tonight...

I have a desire to create, time and motivation are needed.. then space, if I can't move stock out I can't make stock as it just all sits for far too long and takes up space that I just don't have.

Only time will tell :)


June 22, 2011


So I thought I might make myself a list, or even 6 of them... lol

Daily Tasks:-

- Washing
- Dishes
- Feed animals
- Collect eggs (yes the hens have started laying again)
- Bring in wood
- Cooking: at least dinner.. sometimes lunch
- Food Preparation: breakfast, lunch, dinner
- General clean up.

Twice weekly/weekly (as needed) Tasks:-

- Vacuum
- Sweep
- Make Bread
- Baking: snacks and lunchbox items.
- Water animals

Other stuff that needs doing at some point:-

- Sewing: curtains, clothes, repairs...
- Organising: Toy room, Study, Bedrooms, Bathroom, Kitchen... ok so the whole house!
- Gardening: Vegie garden, flower beds, orchard.
- Fencing: Backyard, internal paddocks, boundary fences.
- Animal Housing: Dog Pen, Chicken Coop
- House Repairs
- Water situation sorted...

Stuff needed for completing the 'at some point' list:-

- Time? not realistic to put this on a list is it?
- Money... again not so realistic but it is needed no less, to buy plants and materials for various things.

- Fruit trees
- Fencing: wire, posts, tools...
- Chicken Coop: structural timber, wall planks, nesting box materials, straw, nails/screws etc
- Wardrobe/s
- Kitchen Cupboards
- Vegetable seeds/seedlings
- Water Tank
- Roofing
- Insulation

Tradie Jobs:-

- Rewiring
- Fixing footings
- Plumbing

Hey if that isn't enough to start with nothing it right?

So much to do, so little time to spend doing it and even less money to spend doing it ;)
Good thing I don't dwell on it all too much or I could spend the rest of my life crying in my bedroom and never get anywhere!

A tattslotto win wouldn't go astray in these parts, but as it is time and patience and a fair amount of saving might just see these things done in my life time!

June 14, 2011

Reporting Back

My friday night/saturday child-free was pretty productive, I got some sewing started, then had a phone call from Mum, inviting me to garage sale with her, we hit the nearby sale and found a few things, for me I got a good pair of blundstone gumboots, in fairly good nick, that fit my legs (a seemingly impossible ask) without being too much too long (they are a little, but fit everywhere else) for just $2, then in the mood for the bargain hunt we hit the Beaconsfield Tip Shop, I got a nice little stainless steel milk jug for the kids cooking set, and a stainless steel thin kitchen spatula. We then hit the Legana Salvo's store and I scored a set of 4 bits of crockery, with a hanger to put on the wall (all stainless steel) and 2 cute little retro Tupperware canisters, all in all a rather nice haul! Then we went and did my grocery shopping for monday night.
Coming home a lot later than originally expected, I got back into the sewing and by midnight I wasn't finished. Up at 8 Sunday morning, I showered and got straight back into the sewing and finished a gorgeous (if I do say so myself) long sleeve bamboo fleece shirt and matching pair of polar fleece pants. There is still a pair of pants here that are needing to be finished off to match another top. Both are gifts for some gorgeous little people I know and 1 received his at his birthday party on Sunday, he turned 1 today :). The other is a gift for a lovely little girl who actually turned one far to long ago for that gift to be sitting unfinished on my table. It will be done tomorrow night if not before because she deserves far better than a present this late, the only redeeming factor is that the clothes I have made will most likely still fit her come this time next year <3

Yesterday I spent a lot of the day cooking, I had a great time and watching everything come together quickly and relatively easily.

Overall I was pretty happy with how everything turned out, the Tartare Sauce was nice, but it could have done with a little more lemon juice to add some zing! The cheesecake, the first baked cheesecake I have ever made, was a little over cooked because I just have no idea how to tell if it is cooked! In addition to that the butterscotch sauce that went with it had the wrong Quantities in the recipe but after a quick fix I managed a nice sauce consistency, however not being able to find 'unsalted' butter in the supermarket meant the sauce was a little on the salty side, but combined with the cake and the delicious homemade vanilla ice-cream (without an ice cream maker, mind) It was balanced out quite nicely.

So that was my busy long weekend in a very small post, I forever wonder how people can make such long blog posts about a seemingly small thing, but here is I guess some sign about the way people style and write, maybe even an insight into how they view the world, and maybe one day, something seemingly small and insignificant will grab my attention with such inspiration that I find myself blogging a huge post about that small moment in time.

Now a share, of the most wonderful blog post that left tears in my eyes, from over at Owlet
She is one dedicated and gorgeous mumma to her lovely girls and someone that inspires me to be more relaxed and dedicated to my role as a parent.

June 9, 2011

Inspired Life

Well maybe that is a bit exaggerated?

Thursday last week was my youngest kidlet's 2nd birthday, time goes so fast. It marks the 2 year mark of our breastfeeding journey and the longest breastfeeding relationship I have shared with any of my children.

We had a combined family celebration on the Sunday for her and her Sister who turned 9 yesterday. Great company, delicious jacket potatoes and a Castle birthday cake made of ice cream... photo soon...

So on the kidlet's 9th birthday, daddy, mummy and her went out to lunch without any of the other siblings, we had planned a lovely cafe lunch with a hot chocolate, but the cafe was booked out so a hot chocolate from Gloria Jeans and a meal at McDonalds, was what we ended up with and she enjoyed immensely.
Then to the supermarket and we bought some prawns on special, her Favourite, and had a prawn cocktail before a roast chicken dinner and chocolate pudding at Dad's place for tea.

So inspiration hit me while shelling a kilo of prawns, I bought the shells home and made a delicious seafood stock, while cooking a beef stew for dinner tonight. Tomorrow I will turn some of it into a seafood risotto to serve under my lovely flathead fillet.
A night off from the children and a busy day saturday trying to get some sewing done, then Sunday we have a birthday party to go to and more cooking to do...

Dessert for monday night's dinner that I am cooking to share with hubby, another night together to talk and get to know each other a bit better, child free.

Starters - salt and pepper squid with tartare sauce.
followed by roasted pork belly with potatoes, green beans and gravy
finished up by dessert of Butterscotch cheesecake with vanilla ice cream.

I am making everything from scratch, lets hope it all works out great.

May 30, 2011

Crafty Business

The urge to craft has hit and hit hard but the time I need to organise and devote to such crafting tasks is just not becoming available to me.

Although it will by friday when I drop the kids off at their grandmother's house to spend the night and all day Saturday with their dad, so I will get about half of Friday and all day saturday to myself, the question now then, is, how will I get all the prep work done between now and friday so I actually finish at least 1 of the inspirational crafting projects I want to take on?

And should I take on something I can start and finish in a day or an hour or 2, or should I be practical and finish off the curtains that have been waiting for my attention for a while now. I can't hang them yet, I need the curtain rods first. and I cant hem them until I have the rods to hang them so i get the right length. I can however sew on the curtain tape and put in the rings so they are ready when we have the rods in place.

I have a list of 4 people to make pants for (including myself), I have a bunch of baby items to tyedye, I have a Quilt to make a skirt to adjust to fit my 9yo (ok 9 in a week and 2 days), I have a bunch of old clothes and bits and pieces to reconstruct into various things given the time, space and inclination, maybe it is time to move some stuff on?
I have a blessingway bunting to finish so I can list it for sale.

I had an inspired moment to create a soft toy Chess set for my children, a quilted base, and stuffed toy pieces, so that is another thing to add to my ever growing list of crafting adventures. Maybe that would play out best as a Christmas gift?

I have birthday mania this weekend, and really a little this week with my babies 2nd birthday on Thursday and my (then) 9yo's birthday the following wednesday, we are doing a combined family celebration effort on Sunday for both afternoon tea and tea, it should be quite fun I am sure!
School term ends on friday and I then have 2 weeks with my big girl home.
I am going to try and loose my grip on control of her and let her free in the kitchen to create and learn about jobs that just need to be done, similarly, she had a go at hanging out the washing and it didn't turn out too badly, I will show her a few pointers on how to use less pegs and hang things out straight, but she did well given it was really her first attempt.
Maybe the results of those will make my Journey to Learning blog awaken, I guess I can add all my uni experiences to that blog too can't I?

May 25, 2011


Sickness lurks in my house again, luckily (although I don't know who for, me I guess) I am the only person who is sick. The kidlets were sick over the easter break and again the week following. I managed to keep it at bay for a few weeks and held it together while the kids were falling apart, vomiting and making the washing pile that I could finally see the bottom of, grow to infinite proportions! Just as I get on top of that pile and a new one has started up, I fall prey to illness and I really just can't be arsed doing anything, so the washing is actually getting done because, well, damn it, we need clothes to wear.

My kitchen that my husband has almost managed to make spotless, on the few occasions he has been here to see the kids and I, is completely covered in dishes again, and when he gets here this afternoon (he is staying tonight, in the hope that the extra sleep tomorrow morning will mean a faster recovery) he will be greeted with a mass of dishes in the kitchen that he almost had spotless!

There is no wood in, and it is too damned cold out there for me to want to go get some, so the first thing Hubby will do is go fill the barrow and trolley with wood and bring them to the house. I have enough wood to last until he gets here provided the fire stays shut down most of the day.

I have birthday's coming up in the next few weeks, kidlets x2, SIL, a few friends, friends children, then in July... Dad, BIL, Hubby, Mine, Sister, Niece, and a few friends too!!
The next few months are busy as hey!
I have a crafting bug that desperately wants to be let loose and some of the up coming birthday's give me the perfect opportunity to do that, but being so damn busy means finding the time to actually do the crafting really hard.

Well lets just see how the next few weeks/months work out for the busiest time of the year aside from christmas!

May 19, 2011

Life moves along...

No matter what you feel, think or want.

Life always moves on and drags you with it, you have a choice to make that movement work with you or against you, and if it comes to a deadline you have to meet, things will get tough and it will be hard to manage and at times you will fail, but nothing has stopped around you so the moment you sit and stop to 'give up' you are wasting a moment in time that you could be using to reach that goal.

Now having said that, if you don't sit down and take stock of everything now and again, it can feel like you should just give up!

In reference to my last post;

There is a lot there that I will never achieve to an end point, I think I have found my way, it is however always going to be lost again at random times through my life, and that is ok.
Inspiration comes and goes, and the inspiration you find might not be the inspiration that you sort out to find. I have found inspiration to enrich the relationship I had with my husband, that part of the relationship that we lost, it is a long process and there is no rushing back to where we were, because that brings added stresses and pressures that we need to adjust to slowly. I think a lot of the problem was that with all the changes we made in our lives our relationship never fully adjusted to those changes and that caused us to stress and turn out thoughts inwards and forget the bigger picture, that is us and our lives together and as a family.
So inspiration has been found but in a different direction to the inspiration I was hoping to find.
Dreams, what is a dream? If you realise one dream and make it come about, you add another dream to the list and you will find an ever increasing list of dreams both old and new, accomplished and yet to accomplish.
Wants, a bit more specific than dreams but much the same principle.
I have taken a rather large step forward in my want and dream to have something that I am that isn't "mum, wife, housekeeper"
I am going to enrol in the bridging courses I need to start my Uni degree (hopefully next year). This is something that I have moved to do at least twice before, this time I will be doing it, there is no more "life is too hard right now"...
I have seen the struggles of some friends moving through this and if my life is too hard to move on with something so important to me then their lives must be worse than hell.
It is inspiring to see other people taking on and accomplishing so much, yes it is hard and hellish at times, but you can move through it and make it work or you can throw it aside and never know if you could have done it!

Being the best parent you can, changes on a day to day basis, you work through the bad and try and calm the angry, and enjoy the great times. There will always be days where you just can't seem to manage and that is ok too :)
I am strong, I can do this, I am going to do this, and I will do, and be, the best I can.

This is my time to rise up and be ME, to do MY thing, and that doesn't mean I don't care about my children and it doesn't mean I am more important than my children, it means we are equal and that we all deserve to have what we want and need.
I can't give my children what they want or need if I am not giving myself a little of the same.

Nurture the parent to nurture the child.

My life is looking good, I feel good, I have plans, I am no longer lost in the mess, I may still be struggling to clean it all up, but I can see the end, and it looks GREAT!

I went shopping the other day and treated myself, I have a new cocktail dress for an engagement party, I have a new dress and a cardi to wear out tomorrow night, I have shoes to match. I am going on a date with my husband. I am excited and nervous, we may have been married almost 10 years but we have never really done this (save anniversary night) Other than my leavers dinner and wedding day, I have never bought clothes for a specific purpose!
I have always hated shopping, and I loved my shopping day this week, having a shopping assistant who is experienced probably helped :)

Life feels GOOD! :)

April 27, 2011

Life's little moments..

You know those moments when everything just seems perfect and you feel like if you just ride it out everything will just fall into place?

I enjoy those moments.

I have moments of clarity where ideas pop in and out of my head like waves and it seems like I could do anything, and then the next wave hits and I can't figure out a way to get that inspiration out and turn it to matter...

So much is in my mind, I am lacking the inspiration to turn it into the matter I crave to have.
Not only that but when I do find that inspiration, the matter isn't ever quite making it up to the standard that the mind is producing in thought.

Maybe I need to find a new focus point?

April 20, 2011

My world coming together?

Things are still a little lost in my world, and that is ok.

I need to find my way again,
I need to find my inspiration,
I need to realise my own dreams,
I need to discover what I want,

I want to be the best parent I can be.
I want to be the best person I can be.
I want to beable to say, hey I did this.
I want to say I am strong.

I don't want my world to crash down around me.
I don't want to feel weak and helpless
I don't want to rely on my children to get me through to the next phase.

I can do this, I will do this,
This will work out the best way it can.

Time.... it all takes time.

March 28, 2011

just to update...

Well BIG changes are afoot in my world.

My Husband and I have separated, this was my choice.
Everyone keeps asking me if I am ok, and you know, I am...

I had my first night alone on Saturday and was a little lost... I hadn't had a full night alone in well I don't know how long...

I struggled with my breasts, which got rather huge and sore a few times, I am still feeding my 22mo daughter.
She however didn't struggle at all but as soon as she walked in the door sunday afternoon her words were "I want boobie" <3

So many things to organise and arrange/rearrange so that everything fits into it's place...

March 1, 2011

New month. New Inspiration.

Finding my way.

It is infinitely more difficult to find your own way in life when you have children attached.
Finding time to do anything for yourself is, well, damned hard!
You just settle into a 'job' that needs doing and you get interrupted time after time, sometimes with things as simple as "'rink" or as difficult as "omg, child, you stink!!!!"
Then there is the occasion that you stop for a moment to listen, and hear nothing... you wonder whether to go and find out or not, then you do just to be sure. On the good occasion you find them playing happily together (or alone) and breathe a sigh of relief. On the other hand it is just as likely you will find that they have found something wonderful to play with (like your sister's unopened chemistry set), and given that you already told them that they where not to touch xyz, you lose your temper, and ensues uncontrollable screaming, both from you and the child who really doesn't understand what they did wrong.

So it was today, that I found my groove and wanted to get this job done! And said chemistry set was on the mind of middle kidlet! I lost it, he lost it, screaming ensued. What did we get out of it? Well 3 very upset people! He was upset because I said, (or rather yelled) "No, that is not for you, it is not safe." I was upset because he was doing something that he shouldn't have had access to, and it was my failing that allowed it all to happen, and the baby kidlet was upset because well, when you are surrounded by screaming, crying upset people, you seem to feel upset too. So after a good dose of drinks, food, some quite boobies and calming down time.... I set back to work doing what I started, and when I was interrupted, I STOPPED what I was doing, paid attention to my kidlets, sorted out their needs and then went about my job again.

Miraculously I finished in record time, and I have been sitting here typing this post out and have had *no* interruptions. I feel like I have accomplished at least something today, which has inspired me to get more done.

Dare I say it, I think I need a list!

February 28, 2011

about the house

Not much going on round here... The zucchini has been all but demolished, made into savoury slice for lunch on saturday, then a nice sweet bread/cake thing, and finished off with another lot of fritters that we had for dinner.

Today I have done a little washing, when I should have done alot!

Thrown out 3 garbage bags of rubbish from big kidlets room, I honestly have no idea where she gets it all from... I just need to vacuum and get the other stuff sorted out and maybe it will last a few weeks?

I am yet to tackle the middle kidlets room, I can't fathom it when there is no where to really store anything!

Then I have my room to tackle... really needing to sort out my corner of mess in this room!

Back to it I guess...

February 24, 2011

Finding some Balance

With the addition of another Car to our yard... yes another fecking car... the count as it stands...

1 - Lancer (my car) needs a few minor repairs that can wait!
2 - Pulsar (DH's car) needs a few minor repairs, needs a new muffler, needs *something* else
3 - Mazda - totally screwed engine...
4 - Land Rover - unreg farm vehicle - needs new/fixed. radiator *sigh*
5 - If you can count it Tractor... all seems good in that regard finally :)
6 - The new one, Hyundai.... is a loaner/gift from the FIL as he just got a new car, until we sort out one of the other cars for DH to use...

Hows that? OMG I never wanted to be in that place!

However, the addition means I have use of my car again YAY!! Except I have done nothing with it yet and we don't really have alot of money to put petrol in it either... one thing after another...

So Balance, finding the balance point..

I had a Child free day yesterday! A chance to catch up a little on all things houseworkish, and 4 loads of washing later, I am only half way through that, but the kitchen is in somewhat better shape, and hopefully tomorrow will be clear of all things dirty, at least for an hour or so!
If this weekend brings with it nice weather then the washing should at least be all in a clean pile rather than in several clean and dirty ones located around the house.

I have not had a chance to get into anything crafty despite my desire to do so the motivation is not hitting me in the right place... I think I need to re-organise a few things to make it easier to craft... maybe?

I did a small 'cleanse' of the house in my childfree time, opened all the windows, not the doors as the chickens come in, and let the fresh summer air (we haven't had much of that) run free through the house, trying to clear out the negative space, and germies that have recently congregated here.

Today has been better, the stove burning all day, I got a huge zucchini grated up and made some Zucchini Fritters which were a hit with the children cut into fingers and dipped into the homemade tomato sauce :)
Tomorrow the zucchini cooking ramps up again with a savoury slice and a sweet bread on the cards... and maybe some more fritters to freeze and some muffins too.

Need to find my mojo and make some more muesli bars for the kids (and adults) to have, and some biscuits for big kidlet to take to school in her lunch!!

So much to do and a balance to find that is seemingly lost forever... I WILL find it, but it may take time!

February 18, 2011

Just life

So it seems with the start of school rush, somewhere my little boy picked up a lovely bug from somewhere and has spent a nice couple of days barely able to move and not feeling so great on the couch, he is over it now but in the process of him getting better both his sisters have picked up the bug and while the baby is handling it well, thankyou breast feeding, the big girl is home from school on just her 3rd day :(.

We have something to do this weekend and it appears that we are just going to have to let that slide.

I am feeling totally overwhelmed by all the sickness and being stuck here in this place unable to go anywhere, because well DH still hasn't done any more about his car :( So is still using mine!

The boy is going a little stir crazy too because he is now better he likes to find things that I am not happy for him to do and do them continuously.

This is not a 'happy mummy' house at the moment...

February 9, 2011

it is all happening

So I picked up the books today and in a week the oldest kidlet returns to school...
She has already said she is excited about her next lot of holidays!!!

The boy kidlet, has his first real birthday party to go to this weekend.

The baby kidlet, is talking nonstop about anything and everything.

Mind Dribble

I have that ultimate need to get stuff out of my head but the flow isn't hitting me in the right spot...

Car serviced and 'fixed' although there is no apparent problem to fix and yet the car is still leaking oil!! So back to the mechanic at some point... Also it needs a new exhaust... Not my car mind, it has it's own issues but they are not of any urgent matter, one of the tyres has a slow leak and needs repair, but it lasts a week easily before it needs to be pumped up!!

Feeling the pinch of money issues after a $600 vet bill and the car and the school fees etc etc, but had a saving grace in that our isp upgraded their plans and reduced the costs... I had to ring to get ours onto the new plan, so check your isp's plans and see what they have every few months it might save you as much as $40 a month (our saving)

Nothing I seem to write here makes space in my head for new things! It is just the same old stuff going around and around... a continuous loop.

Another of my festivals has passed without me even acknowledging it!

My older 2 children are away for the day and possibly a second night tonight and all I have done is collect the 8yo's school books the animal's food and shoved the baby (albeit willingly) in front of the TV, and sat my self here... through sheer lack of motivation I have done nothing all day... I put a load of washing on through necessity as I needed to access the freezer which is stacked up with dirty clothes! The laundry hamper is also over flowing, the washing machine, now full, the clothes line full... of most probably dry washing... then there is more dirty clothes on the 8yos floor because she doesn't pick ANYTHING up...

Dishes are piled high on the sink and the bench, I almost had the kitchen finished but something went wrong with that...

February 3, 2011

School time!!

I am not ready for this AT ALL, I am so crap at this parenting thing, I can't locate ANY of kidlet 1's school info, I know when she starts, but I can't find her booklist info or any of the levies paperwork.

I have a week to work it all out because I am pretty sure that is when the book sales happen.
The less than a week after that She is back at school! It is going to be hard on the 2 younger kidlets.

I really need to get myself into a routine of sorts so that the kidlet routine flows into mine easily.

Not sure where to go from here....

January 27, 2011

Same stuff, new day.... or year even...

Well, it has again been a while, I am currently listening to my youngest 2 children fighting in their sister's bedroom, somewhere they are not supposed to be! While she herself sits on the couch intently watching the television. It is common place in this house that she is sat in front of one Screen or another, she will no doubt yell at me at a later date because her brother and sister made the constant mess in her room, and as such she will not be the one cleaning it. No matter how much goes on it only takes 1 minute of someone other than her being in that room for her to claim it was all them and she WILL NOT fix it. There will be a BIG purge very soon of all things clothing and toys alike from her space because I CAN NOT keep looking at it, and she needs to learn to shoulder some responsibility for her actions. She doesn't look after anything even those things she absolutely LOVES, she has no concept of expense or gratitude at being able to have those things.

I have no idea how to parent her and I am losing touch with parenting all of my kids at the moment.

I am sick to fucking death of breast feeding the youngest to sleep EVERY FUCKING NIGHT... and even worse is that she just doesn't know how to fall asleep without the breast, she has started feeding when she gets tired and not falling asleep, which makes for a very LONG chewing session and an intensely painful breast and pissed off mumma.

The boy is becoming a struggle to keep entertained, and out of the 'not for you' zone.

Maybe playgroup once a week will help with that this year?

I have been creating a little today, it has been nice to find the time and mind space for it. It makes more room for new ideas to flood into my head and I am thrilled at the prospect of being able to implement some of them, although that may be a while off yet.

January 18, 2011

Thought processes

I am in the middle of trying to process so many things, not the least of which are business ideas... as such here I am piling everything out into a blog post..

Things I can make:

Wrap tops
Applique Quilts

Ideas to work on and learn to make:

Different style tops
hair bands
Wall hangings

Argh so many projects, I still haven't done the ones I need to do around the house...

Repair clothing
Repair PJ's

School Holidays

As the stupid season finally wears off and the holidays are about half way gone, it is time to contemplate school... sigh...

The Big kidlet is very excited to be heading into grade 3, and no less so because her dad is going to be working at her school at least 2 days a week this year...

Middle Kidlet is turning 4 this year which means school (2 days a week) next year *shock*, this means I need to think about his readiness for school, what follows is the fact that my 3yo boy is showing signs of knowing when he needs to toilet but NO sign of wanting to toilet.... argh! So the slow and gentle procedure begins to encourage toilet use. It is working better on the 19mo than the 3yo at this point!! We will be introducing him to the school environment, by way of joining the playgroup sessions on a weekly basis and then closer to the end of the year it will be time for him to join the pre-kinder sessions where of course he stays without me for about 2 hours!

Baby Kidlet is showing an interest in using the toilet but other than saying wee's and poo's she hasn't really got the understanding yet.

I love my kids :)

January 13, 2011

And the world falls down..

Well not literally the world, but small parts of it and my entire world seem to be falling down at an astronomical rate... Much like the flood victims (and all my love, thoughts and tears go out to them), I am going to be rebuilding my own little piece of the world. The struggle I have is one much like the struggle they will face, where do you start?

How do you start?
Where do you start?
How do you do things differently so it doesn't fall down again?
How do you get over the intense sadness and loss, to rebuild again?

Unlike the flood victims, most people around me would not see the sadness and loss or infact the need to rebuild. How do I work things out for myself when others can't even see that it needs doing?

I will get back to business when I can, but with nothing selling and the complete sense of loss I just can't contemplate starting the rebuild here at this point.

January 10, 2011

Well it seems I found the time by NOT Blogging!!!

So it is the 10th day of 2011 and I have not blogged for a long while, all hell broke loose and isn't really fixing itself in any sort of hurry... but that story is not for blog land.

The kids (well the older 2) are going to stay with their grandmother today until possibly Thursday.
I am really looking forward to the break.
I have really lost my own way in the last month or more and I am struggling to find it again.

We will see what life brings I guess *shrug*