December 5, 2008

Xmas, Xmas, Xmas

Well isn't it that time of year again, The house is a wreck the children are demanding decorations be do and I just don't want to do a damn thing.....

Nevermind all the gifts to buy, then wrap, then store until the day...

This year I thought I would treat myself to some new clothes for xmas but rather than spend $50 on one item I saw in target I decided that stuff it I can make my own, so I went in to Spotlight last week and bought 3 pieces of material that totaled $50 (maybe a little over) And should make me at least 2 pairs of pants and 2 tops or maybe a dress, a pair of pants and a top. Might even try for a skirt... who knows :)

I can only make the patterns and find out I guess. I love the material but I know my family (most of them) will laugh at me when I walk in the door on christmas day and you know what else! I don't care :) I have always and will always be the odd one out.. the one who homebirths and talks wierd stuff all the time, not to mention wears weird clothes hehehe. Family can be lovely at times can't they :)

So I am here to devote some time to update my blog and tell everyone that in the next few weeks there will be a post hopefully containing some hand made clothing item photo's :)
I am excited but dreading the process of finding time to make it all and do everything else between now and christmas.

November 18, 2008

My Beautiful Belly full of Baby, most of the marks are from my first pregnancy but this one bought them out lovely and pink again.

October 13, 2008

Where have the months gone?

Well, it seems time has gone so fast! I have been here a few times to write something and then got side tracked and never actually managed to get as far as even logging in to post!!

My little boy is running and climbing never mind the walking business. I have been arranging my 10 year high school reunion (Goddess only knows why). The invites where meant to be sent 2 weeks ago and I have only started putting them in the envelopes today (they will be posted before the end of tonight). I have had enjo parties, sex toy parties, Nature Direct parties, and scrapbooking parties, all in the last month. The economy has gone to shit, just when I manage to convince my hubby that we need to have a housing upgrade, and we have to sell to do it!
So I have scrapped my birth photo's album but there is no journaling in it yet, I made a nice little book type thing that I need to journal and put photo's in. Next weekend I am making a christmas star decoration at another scrapping demo then in november yet another one to make a flip book.
The list goes on and on, Time to start thinking about xmas and already I have layby's that haven't been paid off because I completely forget that they exist!!
I am amazed I haven't had one cancelled on me yet.
So much to do and so much I want to do and i can't find the time for anything :(

July 28, 2008

another day where I just want to type

As the title suggests I just feel like getting stuff out there again.
but the babby has awoken so the chances are slim... back later I guess

July 22, 2008

Launceston Ten

Well I did it :) 2 days ago I competed in the Launceston Ten (a 10 km fun run/walk) If you can call it competing... I planned to walk the entire distance, I would die if I tried to run it!!
So we set out at 10 am by the time we got to the start line about a minute had already passed! There where about 1900 people in the race this year. I had number 738 and I came in no where near that. Haha, My official time was 1hour 44min and 12 sec. I was so pleased I made it in under 2 hours and did better than I ever thought I would. It was great fun to be part of and I got a few pressies for doing it too. I was originally going to wear my little boy around the course but I decided to finish in the best time possible it would be better to feed him before the race and leave him with his dad. I got back with plenty of time to go before he would want to be fed but gave him one because he was so excited to has his mummy back.
He is such a dear boy.. I got a blister on the balls of both feet, so I really need to get some better shoes if I plan on doing that again. I will still be walking every wednesday morning with the same group I did the 10 with.

I bought some more scrapbooking supplies and still have not done any scrapping, although it is hard to find both time and space in this house to do it.
I have a book just for all my birth photo's of which there are currently alot of photo's for my 2nd birth and only a few for the first one. I wonder if the next (if there are any) will have as many wonderful photo's.
I have an album to turn into Konrad's baby book, this seemed like the best option for me to take this time around with Ishtar my sister bought me a lovely baby book but it is full of milestones that although need to be remebered there are other things just as important and there is no space to remember those times in her book.

I am working on getting some room around the place to start work on Summer's pajama's for her b'day which is only 5 days away... not sure I am going to make that but I have some books and a Dressing Gown as a back up plan. Then I need to move on to a pair of trousers for Ishtar and then some skirts and tops that I got some cheap 2nd hand material for.
Soo busy and soo little time to get everything done, I am also hoping to find some time very soon to start playing 9dragons again. I miss it alot.
Oh well that is it for now I am out of talk, although I am bound to think of something in the next 10 minutes.

July 17, 2008

Happy Birthday to me.... for yesterday

So, firstly, I finished Konrad's pants and made a second pair and they are soo cute, only the camera is still out of batteries so photo's are still out at the moment.
Ali and I didn't go material shopping at all, but I went yesterday and got most of the things I wanted and a Scrapbook for my birth photo's to go in. Now I just need the time and space to do it because I am feeling very scrappy at the moment. We got our fruit and Veg delivery and it will not be happening again.. it is nice to taste real flavours in food but it is just to expensive for us to buy organic all the time.
The first Homebirth Tas meet was as I expected no one showed up at all hopefully the next one will be better. Konrad has only 1 tooth come through so far the other has gone on the way side.
But he took 4 steps today without falling, He took the steps out into the middle of the room and then picked something up off the floor.

I am sending some blessingway beads to a few of the gorgeous pregnant mumma's on JB.
I get the professional photo's I had taken of my children picked up tomorrow. I am eager to see them and then think about scrapping them into some really cute pages.

I also have the print out of them all and will add those to the scrapping aswell.

Tas returns are done, I was hoping to do my doula course when I got the return but I am thinking that we really have more important things to use that money on currently so I may or may not get my course done this year.

Oh well that must be about it for now... oh My Birthday...

I made a absolutely delicious vegetarian Lasagne for my dinner, I got a lovely chest of red basket drawers from Ali while she was over but I am yet to find somewhere I can put it permanently.
Sarah bought me a face washer with my name on it and made me a gorgeous book. Emma has bought me a new bread knife which is much needed in this house. My mummy bought me a gorgeous drum... I have wanted one for ages! And made me a 3 tiered Dream catcher which is absolutely sensational. I love it, I need to put a hanger in the roof above the bed to hang it by and can't wait.

I am organising to look at our black and white wedding photo's (it has been almost 7 years) and I wnat to find an old oval frame to put a blown up one in. Like my grandma used to have.

Hrm that is it

July 5, 2008

More poems.... GREED

A house of a thousand window and doors,
Typical Greed.
Higher than the clouds above,
Typical Greed.
The destruction of a thousand trees,
Typical Greed.

It's amazing what one can do with money.
The greed of man destroys the earth,
For what they consider a better life!

Considering no-ones life but their own,
Typical Greed.
A place to suit a thousand for one or two,
Typical Greed.
Higher than, clouds, mountains, and beauty,
Typical Greed.

To have no Beauty; Destroys life!

July 4, 2008


Hate is such a strong word, and it is thrown around with such ease these days... This poem was written in high school, for all those people who treated me like shit, this is how they made me feel.
I entered this into a poetry competition and had the honour of it being read aloud on the presentation night. The prizes where randomly drawn, but I happened to receive one and it went towards the purchase of my leavers dinner dress.
Downfall to this happening was that my english teacher thought it would be great to put the poem up on the door of the english room and everyone at the school read it. It stopped them treating me like shit, but by then I didn't care anyway!


I hate my life,
I live for dreams.
I hate my looks,
I live for happiness.
I hate the way people hate me,
I live my life not for them.
I hate those who tease,
I live for those who love.
I hate being called names everyday,
I live for what I am made.
I hate to change just for school,
I live for who I am.
I hate changing my life for others,
I live for what I make it.
I hate the way the world is disintergrating,
I live to watch it die.
I hate the way animals are disappearing,
I live to make it stop.
I hate the way the mines are growing,
I live to see them rot.
I hate the way people are starving,
I live to give them food.
I hate the way the space is filling,
I live to see it overflow.
I hate teh way drugs rule the streets,
I live to make this cease.
I hate the way the ozone is vanishing,
I live to find the cure.
I hate the way buildings are growing,
I live to see them reach the sky.
I hate the way the ice caps are shrinking,
I live to see them melt away.
I hate the way technology rules,
I live to see it engulf mankind.
I hate the world how it is today,
I live to make it change.
I hate the way we are ignored,
I live to quell the arrogance.
I hate the greed of the powerful,
I live to see the ranks disappear.


The memory floods back, as you open that door again,
As much as I love this to occur,
I can't help but think, 'Will this be the same as last time?'
I want to believe everything you say,
But you've lied once before!
I can't help but think that it's all a lie again.
Lies, one of the many things you are good at,
Is this a lie?
Your kiss says, I want you,
Your touch says, I need you,
Your eyes say, I love you.

Your touch is secure, but soft.
Your kiss tender and sweet, yet somehow strong!
With you I feel safe,
As though you could carry me away
From all humanity's greed and destruction.
As long as I am with you nothing else matters.
Do i have you?
Are you mine?
You've lied once before,
Is it possible that this time it's true??

The Miracle

Alone, like me, is the miracle.
I forgot, who I was; I don't know, dive deep.
Silent memories of that night,
Drifting come and go, in a river of thought...
All about the miracle.

Alone, leave, you are always in me.
Distant sun cut shadows,
Of a life we could live,
The chance smashed one of us,
Into the ground!
Now you walk with regret.

In you, the predator, I found myself...
My soul.
In me a broken reality lies.
Breath life into my heart... then go.

Wicked flowers, scream in silence.
In you, I hear them; you are the miracle!
Crown of thorns, a shower of arrows, give in.
The wall had fallen for me to find you,
But comes again, as though we never met!
In love, begins the pain of loss.

Go, like a predator among the stars.
The wise and the prey, one in the same.
Waiting for passion, a game.
Without you war, begins a fire in my head.
I felt the violence.
Life, better than death?

I love your taste; remember it all.
Go, you are afraid, swallow your pride, Go.
Miracle go, make way
Fantasy is lost, new paths begin.
Slow sacrifice, yet another pain.
Weapons, bring rain and a winner.

Running away from life,
This collar brings my death
Today, we both go free,
Someday, our eyes may meet again

This was inspired by a deep depression and a various compilation of songs from my teen years.

Doing things my Way

I really feel like saying alot but nothing much is coming forth.
So... Konrad's pants are pinned and awaiting sewing, then I will have another 2 pairs to make if all goes well.
There is alot of ironing to be done when making clothes, and I really do not iron, so I need to make an exception. DH needs to look after the kids while I try and get them sew up tonight I guess.
Ali is coming over on Monday, I am thrilled. I need to take her material shopping for a few things.
I might get my first fruit n veg delivery next week.... all organic :). For the first time in forever we have run out of fresh fruit before I am able to do the fortnightly shop. I am very pleased about that.
We purchased a playstation2 with singstar as our combined birthday present yesterday.... I love singstar :). I am having trouble thinking of things to type, Konrad is getting 2 new teeth coming through, Ishtar's top front tooth is so loose but she wont let anyone touch it she wants it to fall out. It is so wonky, it lots really wierd, but I am trying not to say anything to her about it. The last thing I want is for her to be worried about looks at age 6.
There is a whole stack of dishes to be done and a heap of washing but DS is sleeping on me right now bless him. Should be awake any moment wanting breast.

First HomeBirth Tasmania meet is on Saturday morning, I haven't had one person contact me for details on where it will be, as such this first one is simply being held at my house. I may end up being alone in it but if that is the case I will use the time to work out some new lines of approach to take.

Argh that will do I will sit here all day and never have anything of value to say

June 28, 2008

JB Meet


It was great to meet more jber's in Tas :)

Although I was on a bit of a high... which died very quickly when everyone left :( hehehe

DH got home about 6:30 alot later than expected but really why expect less than that when he was at his mothers.
So I am on a downer, wanting to start a creative streak I have so much I want to do right now I am not really sure where it is all coming from!
I will be borrowing my sister's sewing machine while she is living with my mum again, and my first project will be to make my little boy some trousers. Then a hat... after that, I am not sure. But when I do any of it I will post it here. I also need to make a pressie for someone. Oh I have to check the trading post too... another present.

Er that is all, it was really great to have a lovely bunch of people in my house and great to see the guys supporting their partners... mine was absent! Not that he isn't supportive but he has to do things his own way and meeting my group is not his way apparently.

anyway thanks for the lovely day

June 20, 2008

Launceston Ten, JB meet.

Well, I have just signed myself up to do the Launceston Ten. It is a 10km walk/run to raise money for the Tassie Devil facial tumour research. I am not sure how I will go with it being as unfit and overweight as I am, but I am pulling one for the Babywearers and taking my son on a 10km journey wrapped to my chest :) on the 20th of July.

I am having the Tassie Joyous Birth meet at my house in 8 days time and I am so excited to be doing it. I only wish my house was already clean *laughs*. I am thrilled to have some of the JBer's coming to my home and excited at the prospect of cooking some yummy food for us all :)
Having said that I am not in the least bit excited about the work I so obviously have to do around here to make my house even slightly appropriate for people to meet in it.

So a busy weekend ahead of me with cleaning, decluttering and recycling of more too small clothes of Ishtar's. Not to mention the fact that tomorrow is the winter solstice and I plan on doing something great for that too!

June 13, 2008

HomeBirth Tasmania

I have started up this group as a means to help people understand that there is support available for those who do not want to birth in the westernised standard. (If I can call it that)

In doing so I have come to understand that there is alot of thoughts and feelings in my head about my own misgivings and lack of understandings that need to be worked on.

I can not comprehend how it feels to have a massive birth trauma, and this brings me to the knowledge that I can therefore never hope to fully support someone through that. I have only even been in contact with people who are happy at the outcome of their surgery and had elected to take the same option for birth the next time around.
I fear because of this I may never fully reach my capacity to help people through birth and birth trauma because I can not fully understand what they are going through and this saddens me greatly.

I am not the type of person who articulates things well and for that reason I fear as a homebirth advocate, and a future doula. I will lack the courage and capacity to support women in the way that they rely on me to do because I can not explain the reasons behind the choices these woman have made with my backing! I understand my reasoning and believe in it fully, but I can not seem to convey that reasoning to other people. I can not speak publicly, will that have an impact on how this group is run and what we stand for if the person who started the whole idea can not get up and speak on behalf of the entire group?

I have no idea where to start working through these things or even if it is possible to work through them, I just need to put it all out there.

I need to apologise. I am sorry I can't support you in the way that you need at the moment, I have tried to see past everything else, but I still come up short of where I need to be for you. The experience you had is so far beyond my comprehension that I do not know the first step to take to help you work through it and for that reason I find taking a step back more appropriate for me at this time.

June 8, 2008

6 years ago

I gave birth to my daughter!!! I can't believe it was 6 years ago already, I spent all day making things for her birthday party, which was a great success. I am exhausted much like I was this time 6 years ago. I have so much stuff in my head to get out but nothing is coming forth at the moment so maybe soon.

June 2, 2008


I am here, in my first attempt of possibly many random spillings of blogness, because I have come to realise, recently, just how much I (and my life) have changed over the years. I read a book of poetry that I wrote as a teenager yesterday, and realised how ignorant I have been to my own wishes for what life would bring that person. The ideas I had for my life where so different back then than they are today, and so begins a new journey and chapter in said life!