Thank Fuck it's Friday

You know I Swear, and a lot of the time, I swear a lot!

I have been criticised and reprimanded for it by many people over time.
Has it changed me?  Not, at all, so much.
What has that to do with this blog post?  Well nothing except it shows that using 'fuck' in the title isn't all that odd of me! 


I missed the blog date with Leigh over at Six by the bay, yesterday for Thankful Thursday! But in spite of my laziness you can still go check it out. (and I will be thankful at the end of this post, because everyday is something to be thankful for right?)

*Cue Screaming 3.5yo who gets into my head and has made me lose all train of thought!*


- Thankful that it is Friday... and this means the weekend, and Sunday is Me time at a Goddess Workshop. YAY!

- Thankful to my Hubby who will take charge of dinner tonight, because I have been useless at it all year week.

- Thankful for the electronic devices that with luck keep the 3.5yo entertained for hours minutes and give me a chance to blog do nothing.

and 3 is it for today because well Meh!

The way life goes! - Give Thanks

I have been meaning to post for a while, and as much as I have lots in my head to get out, I just can't sit and type it out, or if I do it comes out sounding completely ridiculous!

'Out of touch', it is what I have been feeling for a long time now... since long before Christmas.

I have identified with many, many blog posts on depression and anxiety over the last months.

 - Feeling sorry for myself.
 - Feeling guilt, about not doing All.The.Things
 - Feeling anxious, about making simple phonecalls

I have identified with a lot of things others have said, fallen into the 'at risk' zones of all the questionaires at random websites!

I have talked to the people who need to know.

I am not ok at the moment, and there is possibly nothing any one can do to help me be ok.
And that is fine with me...

I have researched, I am working on it.

The cycle will continue to move forward and I with it.

The process will be long, and at times I will be dragged forward rather than pushing through.  That is ok.
I am not willing to seek medication yet.
I am making small changes and bigger changes, exercise, practicing Gratitude and I think a diet overhaul are all things I need to approach.  If that doesn't all help I may consider a GP visit.

So, in the spirit of starting something new... 5 things I am Thankful for...

 - My 3 delightful Children, who inspire, challenge and delight me, although they demolish my boundaries and trample my spirit at times, they fill my heart with joy (at least once a day).

 - My Husband, we have had moments, both small and large.  I love him more than words, and although at times I am not always 'in love' with him, that only allows moments for me to fall for him all over again!

 - My Home, a rundown, in desperate need of repair, country house.  It is leaky, but solid, it holds and protects my family and belongings, on a quiet, remote piece of Tasmania.  Providing solitude and comfort.

 - The Internets, through all it's insanely ridiculous content, I have found support, encouragement and dare I say friendship?  I may not have met people in real life, they may not even know who I am or that I blog, but there is a sense of connection and commitment that brings me joy.

 - Family, they are there when needed, but do not interfere, they listen, they accept, even when they don't 'get it'.  They provide me with challenges, and believe in my ability, when sometimes even I have doubts.


Are you feeling Thankful today? Do you need support, encouragement, a hug? *internet hugs gladly given*

Linking up because it's Tuesday and I blogged!

Check In - December is OVER!!

Yeah ok, so that December ending thing happened a while back didn't it?!

Being true to my blogging form I haven't posted in over a month!

So this is a catch up post and a bit of a commitment record for both January and 2013!

I can't say I had a great Christmas, nor can I say I had a bad one! For the most part Christmas isn't really my thing, but all the other family members seemed to enjoy it and that is enough for me!

I didn't get all the presents completed, but didn't really need to in the end either! I do have to finish one, but thankfully, my Sister in Law is forgiving!

On to New Year and we had a quiet family night watching some TV shows.  The youngest only made it to 11pm, but it is just a late night for her anyway as she doesn't get it yet!

Linking up with Fitness Friday over at Mountains and Musings

 

My yearly commitments come in here! I am participating in OperationMOVE over at Kate Says Stuff again this month after my complete failure in December!
My commitment is to reach 700 minutes for the month, with a secondary goal of losing 1kg per week, and a Primary goal for the year to try and reach 80kg before the end of it all!
This is a big Target for me, I started the year at 107.9kg, and am currently 107.3kg... so not really enough of a drop!  However to maintain it is what will be hard!
I have a condition called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, which in my case means that I have higher levels of 'male' hormones than the average woman, it caused me some fertility problems about 7 years ago which were (luckily) easily reversed by losing some weight.  It means I will always struggle to lose weight and will put on weight easier than women without the condition.  But if I do lose the weight, the condition lessens in severity, so I have been told!

Anyway, excuses aside.  This month I have done 270 of my 700 minutes, and also spent a lot of time in the water swimming and mucking around while I was camping.
I am home now and in desperate need of new running/walking shoes, so I can get stuck in to the treadmill again.

Any recommendations are greatly appreciated!
I am not a fan of shoe shopping!

Wow, happy Blogiversary? (and 3 days)

So it seems that I started this Blog 2 years (and 3 days) ago!!

EDIT: This time frame is sooo wrong! I can't for the life of me figure out how I managed to stuff it up this badly! I blame Blogger for not showing me all the posts on the day I wrote this!

I really don't care that much about when, it is the why that is more important! and really, at the moment I am not even sure that matters!

I had plans of my blog becoming ever popular, having tutorials for sewing, recipes for cooking, continuous updates of family life on the Farm that we purchased and moved to not a year before I started it.

Now it is 2 years on coming up to our 4th Christmas in our Life Long Home, and I am realising just how much I haven't done, and not so much of what I have done!

How much life has moved on and changed and grown, and just how much I seem to be the same!

I don't like it.  I don't know what to do to change it.  Maybe I am just the way I am meant to be?

I find myself wanting to say things, but lacking the articulation to make my argument.

I struggle with the idea of getting paid work, actually I struggle with the idea of work altogether!
I got excited recently about a potential job to get me back into the work force, and sorted everything out that needed doing, full medical and drug testing, only to be turned away because I have an allergy to Codeine! I have taken it before quite a few times and have never reacted badly to it.  But a definitive scratch test has told me I am allergic and not just a little, but quite severely.

Holding faith in the universe that things are as they should be is becoming increasingly hard for me.

Figuring out what my next step is, even harder than that!  Time to sit back and concentrate on making this Christmas season (that I just don't want to happen, let alone find excitement for the sake of the children) one of the best my children have had!
And I need to start by taking charge of the absolute horror that is my house at the moment.

*sigh*

Helping Hands: Do you need help?

I really wanted to do an upbeat post to start the month off, after last month's dismal #operationMOVE effort, and the grief the family has shared.

I sat at the computer for what seemed like hours.  Had a few phone calls, one from the School to tell me Big kidlet was ill, and 2 from a friend who is having a hard time of it lately.

These calls did 2 things for me, firstly:
Stuck at home with a sick 3yo I was not in any rush to pack the 2 Kidlets up and cart them on a 40 minute round trip to pick the 3rd Kidlet up! I needed HELP... so a few unanswered phone calls and a returned call later, my Mother in Law saved the day for me, even though she was busy with her own things, she found a way to help me and my sickie Kidlets out.

Second?
My friend is in real need of help, organisation and living optimally are not on the agenda, working 12hour days to pay bills that the income doesn't cover, having fallen behind on bills so a consolidation of debts is not on the cards by anyone, and contact has been made with at least 3 financial companies, none of which can help because "You are already in the red"
Not eating or buying junk because there is no time to make anything in your 16hr day, yes up to 4 hrs traveling per day... My friend needs HELP!
I offered everything I can, and the chances are unless I show up on the doorstep randomly one evening and just do it all, my offer will slip passed un-accessed.

What is it that makes people feel as though they can't access help?  Even when it is offered freely? 
I wouldn't offer the help if I didn't want to help or if I was unable to help.

I guess at least I am a listening ear on the other end of the phone!

Would you go round and just start doing?  Do a big cook up and fill the freezer with ready meals?
Offer to help and then sit back and hope to be asked?


This month I am helping myself, #operationMOVE is on again and my aim this month has been reduced to 500minutes.  I am helping myself get healthy and motivated, feel less fatigued and depressed and get more things done in a day! 
Christmas is getting closer and it is time for me to start thinking hard on those small handmade gifts, made with love and filled with wonder!

xxx
Katie