Life's little moments..

You know those moments when everything just seems perfect and you feel like if you just ride it out everything will just fall into place?

I enjoy those moments.

I have moments of clarity where ideas pop in and out of my head like waves and it seems like I could do anything, and then the next wave hits and I can't figure out a way to get that inspiration out and turn it to matter...

So much is in my mind, I am lacking the inspiration to turn it into the matter I crave to have.
Not only that but when I do find that inspiration, the matter isn't ever quite making it up to the standard that the mind is producing in thought.

Maybe I need to find a new focus point?

My world coming together?

Things are still a little lost in my world, and that is ok.

I need to find my way again,
I need to find my inspiration,
I need to realise my own dreams,
I need to discover what I want,

I want to be the best parent I can be.
I want to be the best person I can be.
I want to beable to say, hey I did this.
I want to say I am strong.

I don't want my world to crash down around me.
I don't want to feel weak and helpless
I don't want to rely on my children to get me through to the next phase.

I can do this, I will do this,
This will work out the best way it can.

Time.... it all takes time.

just to update...

Well BIG changes are afoot in my world.

My Husband and I have separated, this was my choice.
Everyone keeps asking me if I am ok, and you know, I am...

I had my first night alone on Saturday and was a little lost... I hadn't had a full night alone in well I don't know how long...

I struggled with my breasts, which got rather huge and sore a few times, I am still feeding my 22mo daughter.
She however didn't struggle at all but as soon as she walked in the door sunday afternoon her words were "I want boobie" <3

So many things to organise and arrange/rearrange so that everything fits into it's place...

New month. New Inspiration.

Finding my way.

It is infinitely more difficult to find your own way in life when you have children attached.
Finding time to do anything for yourself is, well, damned hard!
You just settle into a 'job' that needs doing and you get interrupted time after time, sometimes with things as simple as "'rink" or as difficult as "omg, child, you stink!!!!"
Then there is the occasion that you stop for a moment to listen, and hear nothing... you wonder whether to go and find out or not, then you do just to be sure. On the good occasion you find them playing happily together (or alone) and breathe a sigh of relief. On the other hand it is just as likely you will find that they have found something wonderful to play with (like your sister's unopened chemistry set), and given that you already told them that they where not to touch xyz, you lose your temper, and ensues uncontrollable screaming, both from you and the child who really doesn't understand what they did wrong.

So it was today, that I found my groove and wanted to get this job done! And said chemistry set was on the mind of middle kidlet! I lost it, he lost it, screaming ensued. What did we get out of it? Well 3 very upset people! He was upset because I said, (or rather yelled) "No, that is not for you, it is not safe." I was upset because he was doing something that he shouldn't have had access to, and it was my failing that allowed it all to happen, and the baby kidlet was upset because well, when you are surrounded by screaming, crying upset people, you seem to feel upset too. So after a good dose of drinks, food, some quite boobies and calming down time.... I set back to work doing what I started, and when I was interrupted, I STOPPED what I was doing, paid attention to my kidlets, sorted out their needs and then went about my job again.

Miraculously I finished in record time, and I have been sitting here typing this post out and have had *no* interruptions. I feel like I have accomplished at least something today, which has inspired me to get more done.

Dare I say it, I think I need a list!

about the house

Not much going on round here... The zucchini has been all but demolished, made into savoury slice for lunch on saturday, then a nice sweet bread/cake thing, and finished off with another lot of fritters that we had for dinner.

Today I have done a little washing, when I should have done alot!

Thrown out 3 garbage bags of rubbish from big kidlets room, I honestly have no idea where she gets it all from... I just need to vacuum and get the other stuff sorted out and maybe it will last a few weeks?

I am yet to tackle the middle kidlets room, I can't fathom it when there is no where to really store anything!

Then I have my room to tackle... really needing to sort out my corner of mess in this room!

Back to it I guess...